7:42 AMC THE PHILOSOPHY OF FREEDOM by Rudolph Steiner, 1
This blog article, this chapter 5 of this little paper back, has undone me; or, perhaps it is the rune draw.
Perhaps it is that those toxic to me in relationship need their freedom from something I must represent more than they need my true happiness to be at all important. So my time has come yet again—to let go. Agnostic Pagan, this is the beginning not of religion but of thinking, and thinking again. Silence is such a golden opportunity to think, or not to think, and to change from the inside out, and be humbly grateful for the opportunity within time to do so, and I am.
Nobody will ever understand the ache. I miss Him the longer I awake each day since that time or two I took communion and couldn’t quit sobbing while people just didn’t understand.
Anyway, I drew Mannaz and that is the way of runes, to be real when others’ lives must be distanced from One, being Me.
I waited. I waited again. They are indeed happier without me in their lives, and they will understand someday.
Millions of us are grappling with strict upbringing that felt secure. Then reality of His return makes it sweeter by far to my Self, yet religion is what aches within my upbringing because I don’t understand why people pass Us Judah by.
I must continue on the path of recreating myself. As Mr. Bloom writes in THE RUNE BOOK, about Mannaz, “This is a time of major growth and rectification and, as a rule, rectification must come before progress.”
I anticipated others would want to join me, kind of like we all were required to live securely in a closed-minded religious life, but I was wrong, living wrong. Please do me the respect of not calling it, well, she just had that expectation on us.
You destroyed my life because of Him and He has to come along and put it back together, from a distance most of the time.
I presume He is likely the same way because Judah is Judah these days. I couldn’t have done this metamorphosis without others. I have thanked them along the way even if I was too hard on myself and others, which to be clear, religion does that to our souls.
That certainly isn’t an excuse, but it is the truth across a great many multitudes of people and I feel lost there. I am more used to it now.
Goodnight.
The New Jerusalem. 