Sometimes

Pondering Love and Seasons 

February/March, 2012 

 

Author Perspective: these two poems are dark, lonely, and angry. And to me, these type seasons are every bit as necessary as the seasons of respite, joy, laughter, and lightness of spirit. Both types are seasons of the love of Christ. And the seasons expressed in these two poems have taught me how  to draw close to Creator.  

As an American, you idiots are always chasing the “dream”-if you are those in 2020 who still think trump should be in the White House and don’t understand what is wrong with ICE and putting immigrants being detained in cages.

In 2012 I began to stop, look, listen, and write about it. Even if we don’t have a blog or are not an author, perhaps it is healthy to have a “something” to do that is purely ours; for contemplation, pondering, and understanding both ourselves and our neighbor.  

 It is my testimony I have been able to forgive people, come to grips with difficulty surrounding understanding God, and move forward (by this time in 2014)  when I allowed myself to quite chasing the “Christian Dream”.

But what was so sad at this point was that other Christians would not share reconciliation conversations with me, and that was confusing. I lost those friends. And so the pain increased. That pain was used in my life to refine me into prayer initiatives that began in 2013 and are written on this blog.   

Sometimes

Sometimes I don’t want to be needed 

The pain is too fresh to continue this way 

Memories don’t fade very fast 

Emotions spill out, and there is no stopping them 

Misunderstandings abound 

 

Sometimes I want to be angry 

I lash out in my soul, looking to send it somewhere 

But I won’t send it to my husband or to my children 

So I send it to God for He placed me here 

I know He takes it because He cares 

 

Sometimes I want a different season 

A different house 

A different city 

A different church and friends 

Relief is what I have in mind 

 

Sometimes I want to be my four year old 

Content in all places 

Not trying to understand 

Just taking it one day at a time 

Not the adult, the wife,  

The parent, or the sister in Christ 

Then I look up 

Sometimes I see He Who Is Needed 

Without Him, I couldn’t cry out 

I would be destined to days upon days of Sometimes 

With no respite 

 

Sometimes is replaced in that moment 

As He reminds me my pain worships Him 

He is pleased I am His Girl 

I take Sometimes to Him 

 

Jesus loves me, but not sometimes 

Forevermore instead 

 

Misunderstandings 

For every misunderstanding within Christian midst 

There is reconciliation waiting, but missed 

The Love of Jesus is bigger than all of the circumstances 

But hard-hearted stubbornness passes up the chances 

Reconciliation is bliss 

It is a holy kiss 

Why can we not go to that place I ask 

There is no answer, so I set myself to the task 

Of leaving behind friends whom I love 

Though we could have had more comfort from The Dove 

 

Perhaps another day, another season awaits 

When the Love of Christ will cleanse the slates 

Until then, I will carry on as before 

A Pagan Sorceress, loving, and not keeping score

 

 

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